30/12

That is a special date for us... it marks the day when we first dated, we went for our first movie, had our first lunch together, and the first time we hold hands. And it first happened nine years ago on the 30th of December.

Its unfortunate that we were seperated for 2 years due to working issues, but I am glad everything is sorted now and we are back together days and nights.

I am unsure if I could give you another special 30/12, but having you on my side, I realise everday is a special day.

I love you, Fui Yin.

To another dearest friend

I am glad you are finally in peace, in where you deserve to be, free from no more physical suffering.

"I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you,

To tell you that I missed you,

To say what now must be one long, unbroken cry of pain,

Now that at last you’ve gone away.

I cannot tell you what a joy it was to be the one to tend you in your need.

The burden was a gift, for giving does not burden one who loves, though loving bleeds.

I wish I could have been with you when you, perhaps aware, perhaps not,

Turned towards death alone, with no one there to wonder to,

To share your fear, you hand, your one last breath.

I wish, I wish, I wish . . . but it is done.

And now I must surrender what is gone."

(Written by: Nicholas Gordon)

Rest in peace Alwin.

Just a message to my dearest friend

How I wish you were getting through this peacefully... I understand the pain residing deep inside your heart.

He is young, he is charming, he is the one you love, and he is perhaps the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But he is dying.

He will leave you sooner or later. And I believe the last thing he wants to see is your tear.

I wish you both able to spend the most of time together while it lasts.

Bless you.

Spring - the season of acute leukaemia

My 6th week in haematology and oncology. Can't say that I love the job, but its certainly an extraordinary experience.

In 6 weeks, I have witnessed 10 diagnoses of acute leukaemia, with my patients' age ranging from 31 to 72. And my latest victim being the youngest 31 year old asian lady with acute myelogenous leukaemia.

She could not speak English, and I happen to be the only person in the ward at that time able to speak her common language - Mandarin.

"(In mandarin) You will die in days to couple of weeks, if you don't receive treatment."

I still can remember the four lines of tears, her partner's and hers, the tremor in their hands, the anger, frustration, transmitted to me on each eye contact.

And I had to say the same sentence to each 10 of them.

Some are recovering, some are suffering life threatening complications, some are in intensive care unit... regardless, despite going through the first cycle of induction chemotherapy, in complete remission or not, they will still have to go through further chemotherapy.

It is torturing. But there is still hope.

Quoted from my consultant haematologist, in young patients (<65 in general) we always aim to cure for all acute leukaemia, with 10-year survival ranging between 30-70%.

My best wishes to all my patients. I hope they do well in their courses of treatment and recover eventually.

As usual as I say... look after yourself, and cherish those whom you love.

Blessing for a friend

An ex-uni fren of mine is undergoing bone marrow transplant... it is a shock to me. He is diagnosed of acute myelogenous leukaemia... age of 26... poor prognosis.

I had another ex-uni fren who died in a car crash back in M'sia couple years ago... that was another shocker. I think she was only 24.

Enjoy as much of your life as you can, and keep close with those that you love.

"I really hope you get well soon."

"... and you forgot you were once a junior doctor..."

Its 0200, I was assessing my 4th lady in labour. Work seemed to keep coming since I started, and there were another 2 ladies in A&E awaiting for my assessment. Pager kept running off, and I knew I couldn't please everyone.

"Yes I will be there as soon as I finish assessing my lady who is going into labour."

Countless, I have repeated that sentence to different people throughout my shift.

At 0600, I have got 4 ladies in active labour, and 2 has already delivered (thank god). That gives me 6 ladies in labour in my 10 hours shift, not including another ladies who are antenatal and post-delivery, and the girls who came in to A&E for some form of problems.

And I guess its fair if I could not stay with one single mother all the time to know every single bit of her progress during her labour. Midwives could handle them. Most of the time.

And there comes the problem.

Someone simply does not remember she was once a junior doctor like myself. And I guess it is simply unfair to criticise a person who is doing the best he can making sure every patients is receiving the best treatment possible.

"Alright you are telling me that she is now tired of pushing because she was pushing too early, so why didn't you tell her not to (push)?"

*cough* "As I said myself and the midwife repeatedly told her not to push despite she has the urge, but she was not able to help with her involuntary pushing."

"Okay, thats bad management, and its sad to know that you couldn't keep an update with your patient knowing that she has involuntary pushing."

*cough, sarcastically* * "Well, I know that, but I just could not help stopping her from pushing if she really wants to, could I?"

"Thats FINE, I will see her in a second.... *tut tut tut tut*"

GREAT. I still don't understand what I have done wrong at that point of time... she was my (senior) registra on-call for the night, and I had only rung her once regarding an authority to commence treatment for a patient as per protocol. And I don't think I have done anything wrong either, it just sounds ignorant for her to make that comment. A very unfair comment.

Maybe she just forgot she was once someone like myself, running around the hospital middle of the night to help every single persons needing help, providing the best care possible, and is hoping some reward as simple as a "well done".

And I am glad I still care what people think about me, because she apparently doesn't.

Some random photos

Latest civic model, looks nice?

Miscellaneous

... grrrr, couldn't recall which hotel we had that gathering, oh well. Maybe someone can remind me?

Back to Melbourne

3 hours post arrival my home... first thanks to Fai for picking me up from airport... second thanks to Evans and Lisa for looking after my car during the period... third thanks to Uncle Reynard for looking after my house while I am away.

Having 50+ letter mails to read, and needing to clean up my place as it is literally covered by dust, I guess its gonna be a long day for me tomorrow.

Till then, have a nice day.

Korea trip

First drop after leaving Seoul airport. This is right outside the 'Blue House', the place where the South Korea president works.

Resumed

Gah... almost exactly 11 months the last time I wrote my blog, sounds a bit hard to summarise all these into one single entry ay? I guess I will just leave those to the imagination of readers (if any), or by chance I might fill in some gaps in later future.

Today is 22th of Feb... and I'm sitting at home in Rawang, Malaysia. Yes I am on my holiday trip back home. I first arrived on the 18th of Jan, so this is actually week 6 since I returned. All interns have their end of the year annual leave at the same time, and all being 3 weeks. For me, it just happens that my first portion of annual leave for my 2nd year (again, 3 weeks) is rostered on early of the year, so I manage to join them up making a 6-week uber long holiday. Fantastic.

Its hard for those who normally stay at home to appreciate how it feels to return home after working your ass out at somewhere foreign to you. Not saying that I am not enjoying my work or stay at Melbourne but its simply the sense of security and family that I can not extract from anywhere but at home.

Been to Korea with my girl friend for 8 days... a nice country indeed. I shall upload some photos later.

Thats all for now, shall continue after I return to Melbourne.

Have a nice day.